Shelter-in-place guidelines for resilience (from our couches to yours!)

An Open Letter to the Luminary Community:

How are you hanging in there, friend?

We’re holding up. Amber is cozied up on her couch readying herself on maternity leave- baby due any day now! And I’m settled into a “new normal” with my husband and son- working from home and shuffling childcare responsibilities. I wanted to write to share a few mental and emotional health tips I’ve personally been relying on these days to decrease my stress and increase my resiliency!

MAKING ROOM FOR “ALL THE FEELS”

It’s definitely a stressful time for all of us. Maybe you’re feeling on edge, a little snappy or irritable. Or it might feel like even simple decisions are harder to make or seem more consequential than they actually are. Or perhaps you’re feeling lethargic, unmotivated, unsure of how to structure your time or focus your attention. Or maybe you vacillate from feeling energized and inspired, to worn out, fearful, or uncertain.

You’re also likely experiencing some loss and grief. We all are! About big things- like losing childcare, losing a job, loosing a sense of (or actual) security, or the possibility of losing a loved one. And we’re all experiencing real grief around the loss of small but important things- like that vacation you’ve been planning for a long time, in-person time with friends, activities outside of the home you enjoy, or the predictability of life as usual.

On top of that, most of us are feeling anxious around the uncertainty of it all. Our minds want to have a sense of “when’s the end date of all this so I can start my life again.” And of course, no one can tell us that. So these conditions are breeding grounds for anxiety.

This is the first time we’ve all been through this, so it’s bound to be rather clunky. As Brene Brown said on her new podcast– “we can be our worst selves when we’re afraid, or our best selves.” I would add in any strong and challenging emotion into her quote- when we’re bored, frustrated, anxious, or angry- we can be our worst selves or our best selves. The following is meant to help us all be a little more connected, grounded, and supported through this time, so we can show up as our best selves as much as possible.

MENTAL + EMOTIONAL RESILIENCY TIPS FOR YOUR SHELTER-IN-PLACE EXPERIENCE

Here are a few tried and true guidelines I’ve been following myself to help navigate the inevitable highs and lows during these turbulent times, and while sticking close to home for the foreseeable future. If you’re one to get overwhelmed by lists, consider this a gentle nudge. Pick one at a time to focus on. Most importantly, this is a time for us to be compassionate and understanding with ourselves and each other. But as the badass self-leader you are, this’ll help steer the ship.

1. Limit cable news and social media news scrolling. When you’re impulsively reading and scrolling through your newsfeed or continually consuming COVID-19 news, you’re activating your brain’s threat system. Voila- anxiety persists. Find a couple of sources you trust and check them only a couple times a day, as opposed to all day long. Remember, this is not like a fire that’s coming at you really quickly; you don’t need this news all the time. It’s moving within a day’s time, so you’ll get enough information by slowing down your check rate and sticking with a daily update. It’ll really help your stress and anxiety levels. I follow @jessicayellin on instagram for my corona virus updates- she’s great at distilling all the news into shorter briefings and links well-sourced articles in her stories.
2. If you’re spending time on social media, practice “active engagement” vs. passive engagement. Set a time limit for yourself, and actively use the platform as a tool for connection. Send messages, do some research, gain inspiration, share in your experience. Once you shift into the more passive consuming of images and information, addictively or compulsively checking or perusing, it’s time to turn it off. Of course, everyone is different, so check in with what keeps you well.
3. Stay connected! Your nervous system is largely regulated by human connection and staying engaged socially is so important for mental and emotional well-being. So practice “prosocial distancing.” Focus on helping others and connecting to a bigger whole. We’re coming together as human beings in some amazing ways right now! Really be intentional about increasing your connection with others through technology, and also find a way to contribute to others in need. Set up several weekly or even daily video chats with family and friends. Help bring someone groceries or support a community / small business online offering when you can. If you’re sheltering with family members, a partner, or roommates, use this as a time to be even more present with each other, and enjoy getting creative with enjoyable activities for downtime.
4. Practice deep breathing. It can really help regulate your nervous system and manage anxiety. More on this at a later time from us! But here’s a FREE breath practice from a trusted psychologist. This is one of the fastest ways to regulate your nervous system, and come back to a coherent, resilient mental state.
5. Connect with nature. If you’re able to, get yourself out into some open space. Anxiety is greatly relieved when we can connect with the natural world. Those short pro-social distancing walks are my family’s saving grace right now! You can also bring nature inside- order a few seeds, and start to grow food or flowers for your window boxes, or to transfer into your garden later this Spring.
6. Move your body! It may be difficult to find a new rhythm when you can’t access to your normal exercise routine (gyms, public classes, etc.). So now’s the time to branch out and try something new. Your local yoga or other movement studio is likely live-streaming their classes, so you can support a local business while taking care of your health (win-win). Also, if you can walk from home or drive to an open space to enjoy some fresh air, you get bonus points! Here’s our take on prioritizing movement you enjoy. And a mindset to adopt while exercising!
7. Reconnect with your values. This is a time to turn toward what’s most important to you, to reflect on what really, deeply matters. Embrace this time of relative simplicity at home- a shift from all of the “doing” we’ve previously been caught up in. We can re-evaluate a little bit about how we want to return when we slowly start to get back to a more familiar routine. There may be a few things you want to change up. Take a look at our blogpost on finding vitality through your values to get a head start.
8. Find a balance of rest and activity. By “balance,” I mean parts of both each day, flexibly adapting to the demands of the day. The amount of each will vary on your circumstance, your personality, and your energy levels. It’s important to rest, to allow yourself to do less, and to prioritize your sleep (hello healthy immune system; also sleep is essential for mental health). If you’re the person who doesn’t usually watch Downton Abby on your couch on a perfectly nice afternoon, maybe it’s time to see what this “show hole” thing is all about! If you’re someone who can’t peel themselves off of a couch without the structure of leaving your house, you need to practice diligence about doing activities you’ve always wanted to, or have been meaning to do! Read that stack of books on your bedside table. Get caught up on those projects that are lingering. Learn something new- research, study, and practice (lots of online learning happening right now!). Deep clean that closet or kitchen cabinet. Allow yourself a break from work and focus on other activities you enjoy.

Luminary friend, I want you to know our minds and hearts are with you and yours. We’re going to try to pop onto instagram as frequently as possible (though as healthcare workers we have to be mindful of our energy too!). Make sure you’re following @be_luminary for resources and encouragement.

Let us know how these tips are working for you, we love to hear from you!

In this together,

Cara (+ Amber)

PS- If your anxiety and overwhelm could use a little more support, don’t hesitate to reach out to your local mental health resources. Many therapists are offering online telemedicine sessions right now, so you can get the perspective and skills you need right from your couch! Your insurance provider likely has a telemedicine offering, or look at Psychology Today for a local directory.