Stunning photo by Kate Rolston Photography
Hello lovely Luminaries- just checking in! How are your New Year’s resolutions or intentions going? At the end of January, after all the hustle and magic of the holiday season fades back into our beautiful but ordinary daily lives, it’s always good to check back in with the changes we wanted to make this year.
If you’re like most people I know (myself included!) maybe your New Year’s resolution path has looked something like this:
January 1st– “I can’t wait for the opportunity to make this important change! Starting tomorrow, every day, I’m going to (you fill in the blank).”
January 5th– Sweet, already have four days under my belt. I’ve got this! It’s crazy I haven’t made these changes before now. Nothing will get in my way!
January 13th– Um….OK, this isn’t going exactly the way I planned. Kinda sucks. Stuff keeps getting in the way. I just have to try harder.
Jan 25th– Ok ladies this one could go either way:
-
- “I am following my goal even if it kills me!” Rigid, not always fun to be around, downright scary if someone or something gets in between you and that pesky goal!
- “I suck. I can never follow through, I don’t know why I even try.” Numb out in a pint of ice cream and a marathon of Netflix.
Any part of this sound familiar!? Here’s the thing: I don’t like to start the change process with goals. Don’t get me wrong, setting and meeting goals are really important skills to develop. It’s just that lasting and meaningful change usually requires starting with something with a little more staying power.
When we have trouble meeting our goals, our usual go to is that there must be something wrong with us. “I need to try harder. I’m not good enough. I’m lazy or not disciplined.” Or maybe the route we take is that there’s something wrong outside of ourselves. “There aren’t any exercise classes I like. I just don’t have the time. If I didn’t have kids, THEN I’d be able to focus on myself.”
What if there was nothing wrong with you or your surroundings? I think the problem is not lack of discipline or character on our parts, but lack of a connection to OUR DEEPER WHY underneath our goals. I’m talking about VALUES; not resolutions you can fail at, but ways of showing up in the world that you can keep coming back to over and over again. Checking a goal off of a list can feel rewarding, but aligning with our values as way to guide our actions is much kinder to perfectionistic hearts.
Values are our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves.
They’re what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave, what sort of a person we want to be, and what sort of strengths and qualities we want to develop.
Values are like a compass, they give us direction and guide our ongoing journey. Values-based actions help us to make what matters most happen, little by little.
Need an example?
A goal would be: I will go to the gym every day. It’s either something you accomplish, or you don’t.
Values could include: caring for your body, listening to you body, respecting your body, modeling joyful activity for your kids. This way, as long as you are taking an action in line with those values, you’re headed in the right direction. Because sometimes something called LIFE usually happens and going to the gym isn’t always possible or even kind! So maybe you mindfully choose play time in the park, a long walk, a quick run, a luxurious nap, a hot bath, a yoga class, or a gym session.
Cultivating an ability to be flexible AND consistent in taking actions that reflect your values is crucial to staying motivated and treating yourself and your body healthfully.
Take time now to get curious about finding your WHY underneath the New Year’s resolutions you’ve set for yourself.
Connect them to something that really matters to you, that says something about what you want to stand for, and how you want to behave on an ongoing basis. It will help you ACT on your goals instead of tossing them aside.
With Love,
Cara
Team Luminary
P.S. I fully believe pints of ice cream and Netflix marathons have their merits! We just don’t want them getting in the way of what matters most to you.
